Cutie Pies

Cutie Pies by Barbara Bell
Author: 
eBook ISBN: 
978-1-62649-746-7
eBook release: 
Mar 19, 2018
eBook Formats: 
pdf, mobi, html, epub
Word count: 
29,800
Page count: 
121
Type: 
Cover by: 
Ebook $2.99

Joey works at Cutie Pies, the smallest adult store in Sydney. After his parents kicked him out years ago, the haphazard shop became his home away from home and is the only place where he can embrace his queer, quirky, and—okay—sometimes a little awkward self.

When Mick, a new-to-town customer, walks in asking for a dildo, Joey thinks it’s all a part of the day’s work. Except Mick’s large dark eyes, shy smile, and kissable lips—along with the ten-inch dildo he bought—quickly win him a starring role in Joey’s nightly fantasies.

Joey can’t stop thinking about him, and Mick’s continued visits to the store make him even harder to forget. Mick is shy and sweet, but also secretive and uncertain. As the two grow closer together, Joey starts to wonder what Mick really wants from him, and whether he can risk falling in love with someone who might not be free to love him back.

This title comes with no special warnings.

discussion of emotional abuse (cat fishing)

Caution: The following details may be considered spoilerish.

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Chapter One

Joey loved telling people where he worked. It was fun. Some people gasped. Some people giggled. Some leant forward in their seats and wanted to know more.

“So you sell—”

“Yep.”

“And—”

“Yep.”

“And even—”

“Yep.”

“What’s the name of the store again?”

Cutie Pies was the smallest sex shop in Sydney. It sat on top of a tattoo parlour, up a brightly painted stairway, and was packed to the brim with every sex toy on the market. Dildos, vibrators, glow-in-the-dark butt plugs. If you could name it, Cutie Pies had it.

Whether or not Cutie Pies could find the room to display it was another matter.

“Okay.” Joey stood back to get a better look at the chaos: a game of real-life Tetris seconds before disaster. “What if we move all the vibrating underwear onto that wall? Then we’ll have room for these weird G-spot vibes along here.”

Becca, who was on her knees rearranging the merchandise, stared at him like he’d just declared himself the Queen of England. “We can’t put them there. That’s the lingerie section.”

“Knickers. Lingerie. I’m not seeing the problem here.”

“Lingerie is little and lacy. These are big and they vibrate. They’re vibrators. They have to go here.”

“The G-spot vibrators are vibrators too. It’s in the name.”

“They can go in the dildo section.”

“Okay. Time-out.” He made a T with his hands. “Why is it okay to put a silicone bendy straw with the disembodied penises, but not okay to put the underwear with the underwear?”

“Because you can fuck yourself with the silicone bendy straw. Plus the naked man on the packaging isn’t working for my feng shui.”

“Have naked men ever worked for your feng shui?”

“Now that you mention it? No.”

Becca. Short, busty, and blonde, with a nose ring and a tattoo of a cuttlefish on her right arm. His best friend but not the sort of person who he could persuade once she’d made her mind up about something.

He huffed in mock anger. “Fine. But if Kate asks why the G-spot vibes aren’t with the rest of the vibrators, I’m telling her it’s your fault.”

Becca didn’t seem concerned, clearly focused on arranging the vibrators into a pattern only she could see.

Joey grabbed the box of G-spot vibes and was about to carry them to the dildo wall, when he heard a small voice call out from the stairway.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

A customer. In the middle of the day? Odd but not unheard of.

“Hi!” he called over the shelves. “Welcome to Cutie Pies. If you need help, we’re back here.”

“Where? Oh.” A boy stepped into Joey’s line of sight. No. Not a boy. Beneath his dorky haircut and oversized T-shirt he wasn’t gangly enough to be a teenager, but he was young, probably around Joey’s age. A uni student? Wow. They didn’t usually emerge until midafternoon at the earliest. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “The sign said you were open. I’m just looking for one thing.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place.” Joey popped the box he was carrying onto his hip and waved at the crowded shelves. “Things we have in plenty. Is there anything in particular I can help you find?”

“Um . . . I . . . I . . .” The guy’s cheeks darkened in what could only be a blush. A blusher! Good. It had been a while since he had a blusher.

And this blusher was cute.

Short, bony, but well portioned with dark skin and even darker eyes.

This was going to be fun.

“I saw your shop and . . . Do you have any dildos?”

Joey bit back the laugh that surged up his throat. Oh yeah. This was going to be a lot of fun. “Yes. Yes, we do. You’re going to have to be a little more specific, though. Follow me.” He ducked behind the shelf and led the kid to the dildo wall.

No matter your preferred size, colour, or shape, Cutie’s had a dildo for you. Unless you liked PVC and jelly. Kate refused to stock toys with for novelty use only printed on the packaging. But, apart from that . . . yeah. They had a pretty thorough stock of dildos.

A stock the blushing uni student was taking in with wide eyes.

Joey let him suffer for a moment before putting down the box of vibrators, stepping forward, and pulling a dildo off the shelf. “Short but stout, and harness compatible. See the curve? Great for hitting the G- or P-spot, so it’s good for whatever you’ve got in your pants.”

The guy stayed silent.

“Or . . . we have some realistic ones down here. You a fan of porn? We’ve got a few big-name porn stars along this shelf, and some others stashed around back if you’re looking for someone in particular.”

Still nothing.

“Um. Okay. If you want something a little more upmarket, we have some glass and metal ones. They’re pricey but worth it. See this metal one here? My ex had one. Dropped it while he was cleaning it. It broke the sink. The toy? Not a nick. That’s how good these things are. They’re better made than your bathroom sink. In fifty thousand years when aliens are digging through the remains of our civilisation, they will find nothing but rubble and a whole bunch of these still in perfect condition.”

In a small voice. “Your ex?”

“Yes,” Joey said. “Great guy. Great taste in sex toys. Do you want to take a closer look at it? Or I have a smaller one which is similar here somewhere . . .”

“A guy?”

“My ex? Yeah. He was a guy.” Cutie Pies was in the middle of Oxford Street, the historical home of the LGBT community in Sydney. If this blusher was surprised that the guy working here liked dick, he shouldn’t be. “Though the dildo could be used on women too if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Why’d you break up?”

“Ah.” Joey scratched his head. “I dunno. Just drifted apart I guess. It’s okay though. It was super amicable. We’re still good friends.”

The blusher didn’t say anything, which, of course, meant there was an awkward pause. A really awkward pause. Joey was used to a little bit of awkwardness in his line of work though. The best thing was to end it quickly. “But, hey,” he said, “we’re not here to talk about my sex life, we’re here to talk about yours.” He gestured towards the dildo display. “What will it be? Realistic? Tentacle shaped? I have one that looks like a bust of Obama if old US presidents are your thing.”

The guy put the shorter dildo Joey had handed him back on the shelf. “No, thank you.”

Ah. Hell. This was going to be a no-sale wasn’t it? Probably because Joey talked about an ex. No one wanted to think about ex-partners while buying sex toys. But apparently this guy was the exception to that rule because the next thing Joey knew he was reaching back towards the display.

He pulled a dildo off the wall. A big dildo. Jet black, flared at the base, but otherwise entirely realistic.

Okay. Was not expecting that.

“Wow, mate. Ten inches. Respect.”

“I just think . . .”

“You’re going to need some lube with that. That’s silicone, so water based is best. We have a stand over near the counter. Everything is half-price for Mardi Gras. Come on.”

The man trailed him back to the counter and then gazed with those same big eyes at the spinning stand of personal lubricant. This time Joey wasn’t fooled. This guy might play the whole young-and-innocent routine but the dildo he had picked off the wall told a different story. Joey wasn’t going to waste time trying to sell him something “soft as silk” if what he secretly wanted was “hot sauce for your junk.”

“Any of them catch your eye?”

The man glanced at him, bit his bottom lip, and turned back to the stand. “I . . . I don’t know. I’ve only ever used the lube that comes in condom boxes.”

Joey snorted with laughter. Okay. Maybe still a little young and innocent. “Do you want me to grab you a pack of lubey condoms?”

“No, I . . .” The guy’s gaze turned back to lock on to him, and for a moment Joey could see right into his eyes. Oh. They were brown. Very brown. So brown they were almost black. Above those eyes sat an expressive pair of eyebrows, drawn forward into an uncertain frown, and below, a pair of crazy kissable lips. Holy hell. Under his nerdy clothes and overgrown bowl haircut this blusher wasn’t just cute . . . he was beautiful.

“What’s your favourite?”

“My fav . . .?” Joey blinked. Shit. He’d been staring. Not glancing. Not observing . . . but staring. Staring at customers in his line of work was a bad idea. Customers tended to be nervous and self-conscious enough in a sex shop without the staff gawking . . . even if this customer was something to gawk at. “My favourite,” he reminded himself and deliberately turned back to the lube stand and scanned the bottles sitting on display before him. “Um. Okay. Let’s see . . .” Get it together. “This one’s good. A little on the runny side, so it’s easy to make a mess but, hey, I like mess. Is a hundred millilitres all right? I don’t want to give you too much in case you don’t like it.”

The guy’s lip twitched towards a nervous smile. Without a word, he plucked the lube Joey had pointed out off the rack.

“Awesome. I wish everyone was as easy as you. Wait! No. That came out bad. What I meant was, I wish everyone was as easily satisfied . . . Ah. Fuck. That’s not much better, is it?” If, by some miracle, the guy hadn’t noticed him staring, he’d surely notice this. “What I meant to say is, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Softly, “I think that’s enough.”

“Cool. If you need more lube, it’s half-price until Mardi Gras. Not that I think you’ll use all the lube. Or, um, not that I think you won’t use it either. Just . . . if you want more, it’s cheap for a little longer. But only until the parade.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah.” Joey stood in silence for a moment. “So . . . eh . . . I’ll ring these two up for you.”

The man watched him as he took the dildo and the bottle of lube behind the counter, scanned them in, and bundled them in a couple of layers of unmarked plastic bags. It was a familiar task and, despite those unbelievable eyes tracking his every movement, Joey found it calming. By the time he finished, he was composed and in control again.

“There you go.” He flashed his best customer-service smile. “That will be seventy-three dollars and eighty five cents.”

Blusher held a debit card up.

“Perfect.” Joey said. “PayWave okay?”

“Ye— Actually. No. It stopped working a little while ago.”

“Mm. Happens to the best of us.” Joey pushed the card reader across the counter towards him. “You are a few button presses away from one hell of a ride.”

“Ride?” Those dark eyes blinked. “Oh. No. This isn’t . . . What I mean is . . .”

“You don’t need to explain to me.” He nodded at the card reader. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Joey concentrated on not staring as the guy swiped his card and plugged in the details. But even if he couldn’t stare, he could still look. Carefully, making sure to keep it intermittent and casual, he let his eyes wander.

He’d guessed the guy was a university student and nothing he was seeing called that into question. New jeans, old sneakers, and a Doctor Who T-shirt. Probably a first-year, but not one who’d come straight from high school.

The man pushed the machine back towards him, and Joey waited while the payment processed. “Aaannnddd . . . we’re done!” He ripped the receipt off the machine and slid it across the counter. “Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of one mighty cock.”

“Two.”

He frowned. “Two . . .?” And then it hit him. “Ah!” He burst out laughing. “Yes! I’m sorry. You are now the proud owner of two mighty cocks.”

The guy smiled, clearly proud of his joke despite the deep shade of his cheeks. He put the receipt into the bag and then hesitated. His eyes skimmed the counter.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No. I . . . I guess I . . .” He frowned. “I . . . eh . . . I’m sorry for talking about your ex before. That was shitty of me.”

“Hey, no worries, mate. It’s cool. I am on good terms with pretty much all my exes. Besides, I brought it up.”

“Yeah but . . .” The guy seemed to struggle for a moment. “It was rude of me,” he said finally. “I’ve never had an ex and—”

Joey blinked. “You’ve never had an ex?”

“My partner and I have been together since high school.”

Joey digested the information. A partner. A long-term partner. “Oh. Okay.”

“Sorry. I . . . I’ll go.”

Joey watched him walk across the shop. He stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to look back at Joey. “My name’s Michael, by the way.”

Joey lifted an eyebrow. “Hi, Michael.”

“Hi . . . Sorry if that was weird. I thought I would tell you just in case . . . you know . . .”

Joey wasn’t sure why he would need to know Michael’s name but decided to play along. “I’m Joey. It’s a bit less of a mouthful than ‘Joseph.’ What about you? Got a nickname?”

“Not really . . . my brothers call me Mick.”

“Do you like that?”

“It’s okay. Better than Michael.”

“Mick it is.” Joey smiled. “See you around, Mick. Oh, and have fun with that.” He nodded at the dildo bundled in plastic bags.

The guy—Mick ducked his head. “I . . . Yeah. Thanks . . .” And then he was gone.

A few moments later, there was a creak as the door at the bottom of the stairs opened and closed. As if on cue, Becca emerged from between the shelves, a savage smile on her face.

Oh sure. Now she could pull herself away from the vibrator wall.

He ignored her, or would have if she hadn’t loudly cleared her throat. Twice.

He played dumb. “What?”

She gave him a look.

Again. “What?”

“You know what.”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Oh, come on. You were flirting with the customer. Kate’s going to be so mad when she finds out.”

“Don’t you mean if?”

“No. When. This is Kate we’re talking about.”

“It’s not Kate’s business who I talk to.”

Becca snorted. “It is Kate’s business. She owns this shop. You are her employee. It is literally her business what you do here.”

“Well, it’s good that the only thing I did was my job.”

“It’s your job to call his penis ‘mighty’?”

He called his penis ‘mighty.’”

“You agreed. And you gave him a nickname. You were definitely flirting.”

“I gave you a nickname. Doesn’t mean I’m flirting with you.”

“That’s beside the—” She frowned. “Wait. What nickname did you give me?”

“Oh, I don’t say it to your face.”

She grabbed a packet of plus-size wet-look stockings off the shelf and hurled it at him. He ducked with a laugh and was about to grab something to throw back when there was a loud crash behind him. Oh shit. He twisted to see the lube stand on the floor. Bottles were rolling away in every direction and a few sat, burst open, in puddles. In the middle of the chaos, like the murder weapon in a Sherlock crime scene, were the stockings. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh . . .

The back door opened, and Kate—tall and terrifying—stepped out, the thud of her heel against the threadbare carpet painfully loud in the quiet room.

Her eyes tracked from the fallen display, to Joey crouched behind the counter, and finally came to rest on Becca standing with her hands over her mouth by the underwear display.

Despite this, or maybe because of it, Becca was the first to find her voice. “Kate. Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I can explain. We were just talking and I—”

“I asked for two things,” Kate said, voice deadly soft. “What were they?”

Joey looked at Becca.

She looked at him.

“Um,” Joey said.

“Eh,” Becca added.

“Wasn’t it . . .?”

“Unpack the stock and stack the shelves?” Becca guessed.

Peace and quiet,” Kate reminded them. “All I wanted was peace and quiet. Instead, I have sixteen different brands of lube on my floor.”

“Actually, it’s only fifteen n—”

Kate’s eyes snapped to him, and Joey sank back down behind the counter.

Kate was many things: a business woman, a new mother, a boss . . . but Joey had long believed she’d missed her true calling as a prosecutor. Anyone in their right mind would beg to be locked up rather than face off against her. She looked the part too. Suit stern, makeup immaculate, and hair pulled back into The World’s Tightest Bun™.

“You have fifteen minutes,” Kate said. “Get this cleaned up.”

“But—” Becca began.

Ten minutes,” Kate said. “Any more questions?”

No one said anything.

“Good.” Kate turned and disappeared back into her office.

from All About Romance

[A] warm-hearted and gently humorous story with some surprising, hidden hints of depth.

from Love Bytes Reviews

[A] fantastically clever, naughty read from an author who hopefully has many more great stories for us in the future.